Chart Review: 12th July 2024

Making sense of a nation’s musical tastes.

I’m going to break the format a little this time out, not least because there are only two new tunes in the charts and a few re-entries which we’ve already covered previously. Down at (55) is Neil Diamond with “Sweet Caroline”, which, I’m surprised to see, has never been higher than (8) all the way back on its 1971 release. This is of course skirting around the foot of the Top 40 because it has inexplicably become the anthem for the England national team.

Now, I’ve got all the respect in the world for Neil Diamond (give or take him blacking up in The Jazz Singer), but this is a truly dreary number to be associated with a nation’s sporting glories. The slow ascending organ that fades up to introduce the song is almost ominous even as the circus-like major chords are trotting out: it lets you know that, before too long, you’ll be listening to “Sweet Caroline”. Diamond’s restraint on the verses is nice - there’s a great timbre to his voice, and a pleasing lack of polish. But then the chorus kicks in, and the fans bellow along to the trumpets, and insist on adding the “so good, so good, so good”s. It’s not a song I’d choose to listen to at any rate, but unlike, say, “Sloop John B” or “Whole Again”, it has been ruined by its adoption as a terrace anthem. The idea of actually streaming it in your own gaff is barmy. 

I bring this up mainly because this week I was shown a video by someone purporting to be Mr England. “Sweet England Time” is ostensibly the official England song for Euro 2024, though I’ve a feeling Mr England isn’t entirely au fait with what “official” means. This is so bad it actually pissed me off a bit, not least because an amount of money has clearly been put behind it. Lines like “Iceland was bad / But it was good in Russia” give a potted history of the national team’s recent triumphs and turmoils for the casual viewer. It’s great hearing him struggle for the notes at times. This is a disaster even among football songs. 

By contrast, “3 Lions” has rocketed back to (20). Again I can’t personally imagine sitting around the house blasting this one out - it’s up there with your “Smells Like Teen Spirit”s in terms of songs you really don’t need to listen to, regardless of quality. Unlike “Sweet Caroline”, though, I find the idea of popping this one on quite charming. I’m imagining a young lad who can’t quite express his nerves and excitement through words, biting his nails to the quick as he awaits the 8:00 pm kick off on Sunday evening, deferring to Frank, David, and the Lightning Seeds to get him through it. I can only imagine the core songwriting team are busy in a WhatsApp group planning their next move should England lift the trophy. 

At (32) is Quavo featuring Lana Del Rey with “Tough”. I had to look the former up but it turns out he’s formerly of Migos, who I know a bit about. This is a pretty interesting track. Instead of finding a midpoint between Del Rey’s detached Americana and the Atlanta trap sound, it just whacks the two together. Initially we hear a verse of Del Rey doing her thing then a booming chorus from Quavo, then the two disparate approaches are just layered over each other. And wouldn’t you know it, it actually works rather well. Quavo’s heavily autotuned vocals mesh nicely with Del Rey’s breathy tones; the programmed beats add energy to the rootsy guitars, while the gentle strumming gives the whole thing a rich texture. To say it works isn’t necessarily to say it’s something I’d love to listen to, but it finds a pleasant balance between boldly experimental and just not trying all that hard. 

The other new entry this week comes from Eminem, whose album The Death Of Slim Shady also dropped on Friday. I’ve designs on listening to it out of morbid curiosity. “Tobey”, at (29), is better than “Houdini”, but it’s still pretty thin gruel from one of history’s most successful rappers who seems all of a sudden to be incredibly worried about his legacy. The cover for the single spoofs that Spider-Men pointing meme, and the hook (from BabyTron) is about the titular Spider-Man actor. BabyTron notes that, while Tobey Maguire got bit by a spider, he “got bit by a GOAT,” presumably meaning Eminem, so Marshall Mathers has hired some dude to come on his track and cut a hook about how amazing an influence Eminem was on the next generation. 

BabyTron drones on a bit in a less than exciting flow, then Big Sean jumps on the track. He’s a little bit more exciting, building to a nice energy, though he’s not rapping about anything in particular. Finally, more than three minutes into the track, Eminem gets involved. In fairness, his verse is easily the highlight of the track. He throws in some pretty lame bars about having more stories than the Empire State Building or something stupid like that, but he’s coming to the table with a point and a thesis, even if he is basically grousing that he doesn’t get the respect he feels he deserves. Eminem - the Rodney Dangerfield of rap. 

There’s change at the top of the charts, of a sort. Sabrina Carpenter has been replaced by… Sabrina Carpenter. “Espresso” and “Please Please Please” have swapped places, with the pure pop hit back at the peak. Perhaps that reflects the nation’s more positive outlook, what with the election and the football and all. We don’t need the plaintive melancholy of romantic turmoil, just that me espresso. 

Pick of the week: Frank Skinner, David Baddiel & The Lightning Seeds - “3 Lions”