Chart Review: 15th November 2024

Making sense of a nation’s musical tastes.

It certainly feels like we’re in the winding down period as Christmas draws closer, so there’s probably not much point putting out your new single if it’s not holiday themed (i’ve seen Sabrina Carpenter has some Netflix Crimbo special lined up - which looks remarkably low effort - so expect one more push from her before the year’s out). Some kind of ill advised Band Aid mash up is in the works and LadBaby will no doubt drop another unbearable effort, but aside from that, we’re basically at the end of the line.

Now for the dregs. At (39) is “The Days” by Chrystal. Here’s some more house music that I really have no right whatsoever to comment on, but I’m going to try and do so anyway. I just don’t get this stuff, I’m afraid. There’s no direct correlation between effort and quality in music, despite what the Rick Beatos of this world would have you believe - I don’t exactly think The Ramones et al were working their nuts off recording their best stuff - but this tune seems truly bereft of ideas. I’ve heard that bassline all over the place - “Show Me Love” springs to mind - and while there’s a little charm to the muddled lyrics, it is a little charm. Most interesting is the singer’s (Chrystal, I assume) voice. She has such an indie sound to her which is a little incongruous in this boring club track.

Up 20 places and no doubt climbing, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is at (38). There’s not a lot one needs to say about this tune. I love it, you love it, we all love it. It’s about as good as a Christmas song can get without crossing the threshold into Songs you’d want to listen to outside of Christmas (but can’t because they’re Christmas songs and that would just feel weird). Her performance is amazingly charismatic, no one who sings along can actually hit those notes but the song inspires such good will that you don’t mind when you hear a pubful of oafs caterwauling away. 

My caveat as ever is: who in their right mind is actually sticking this song on? Aside from the fact it’s mid November, you really don’t need to worry about hearing this tune for the next month and a half. You are going to get your fill of it, don’t fret. 

At (22) is “Labour” by Paris Paloma. This tune is from 2023 and cracked the Top 40 last spring, but this is its highest position to date. It’s a song about gender inequality and problematic behaviour up to and including abuse (the top comms on YouTube are almost exclusively about physical abuse, which is never explicitly referenced in the song). It’s about as subtle as a brick and it’s not really my kind of music - dark folk pop that’s a bit too slick for its own good - but there’s no knocking Paloma for writing something like this which has connected with listeners. There’s, one would imagine, no coincidence that it has drawn a particularly large number of listeners in the past couple of weeks. 

I’m watching her perform the tune at Tate Britain in an acoustic presentation - you couldn’t call it stripped down because she’s got a three piece string band and a big choir - which is a great deal better for my tastes. The point of this track isn’t, one would argue, to show how good of a singer she is etc, but she shows impressive vocal control and has a nice lack of showiness to her tone. There’s certainly a lot of strength to the song even if it isn’t musically quite my bag. 

This Myles Smith chap is back in action with “Nice To Meet You”, debuting at (12). Within the first beat I’m pissed off, because again he’s using that fucking stomp clap percussion that should have been left in 2010. I don’t hate it nearly as much as “Stargazing”, but I do hate it quite a lot. I’m really not keen on his yelpy voice - I don’t know what the technique is called where it sounds like the note is dropping into the back of your throat, but he’s doing that constantly, and it smacks so badly of fake emotion. The playtime Americana is embarrassing - this guy’s from Luton and is two singles into his career but he’s setting his video in what’s obviously supposed to be an American dive bar, where they’re free pouring the whiskey etc, and there’s a fiddle solo that would make Marcus Mumford baulk.

That said, the chorus is a cracker. It’s as instantly catchy as anything I’ve heard in a while, and if the lyrics are painfully banal, well, it’s a daft little pop song, so what do you want. The fact this has entered the charts so high makes me think this bloke really has broken through, so I can expect to be pissed off by him for a while to come. I’ve also just seen that the lead actor in the video has posted a comment, and his own mum has replied saying how proud she is of him, which is just immensely cute. 

Gracie Abrams tops things again with “That’s So True”. Same again on that one - liked the album, don’t really like that song. 

Pick of the week: Mariah Carey - “All I Want For Christmas Is You”