Chart Review: 26th March 2024

Making sense of a nation’s musical tastes.

Straight in with some new stuff at (40) and I’m immediately confused. This is “Set My Heart On Fire”, a mash up of Celine Dion’s “I’m Alive” with “And The Beat Goes On” by The Whispers. So that’s all fine, but the tune’s credited to Dion, The Jammin Kid, and Majestic. From what I can find (on a brief search), The Jammin Kid made the track to TikTok acclaim, then per Sony’s press release Majestic (whose profile isn’t exactly sky high) jumped on board “to turn the mash-up into an official single.” 

So it sounds like this Majestic chap did basically fuck all (while the poor old Whispers don’t get a sniff), but that’s by the by. You can file this under artful mash-up that does its job quite well. Dion’s elevated big time by the undeniable, bubbling bassline of the Whispers tune and Jammin Kid does a good job of keeping the ebullient disco spirit in place even as he mucks around with the vocals for a bit of modern flourish. You can’t help but bop to it, but I feel like you’d get the same out of the Whispers track on its own. 

At (38) is “Brand New Dance”, another cut from Eminem’s new album. Just checking and yep: this is the third proper song from the record (excluding a 40 second skit), suggesting listeners are getting a little further into it each time before giving up. The positives: I actually really like this beat. It’s retro, but that seems to be the point of this album. The squelchy sounds are comedic, but I like the bouncing, clicking drums, and it’s such comfortable turf for Eminem to drop his zany lyrics. The negatives: he’s actually rapping about Christopher Reeve, repeatedly, in 2024. Reeve died in 2004; he was paralysed almost 30 years ago (Reeve’s accident being the only reason he’s used as a reference point in this song). 

I don’t know that I’ve ever heard something more hacky in a song. Even assuming Eminem’s fans skew older than most modern hip hop, are any of them clamouring for jokes about a long-dead former Hollywood star? There must be well known people who’ve been injured in the interim. There must be something else noteworthy about Reeve, even! But no, it’s the same shit again - I’ve found a Reddit list of something like a dozen Eminem tracks that mention the former Superman. To make matters truly bizarre, Eminem doesn’t even seem to bear a genuine dislike of Reeves. You can really only call it cowardice, a chance to be edgy without anyone giving a shit. Mad stuff. 

A curio at (34) in the form of “Misses”, a woozy, sub-90 second indie effort from Dominic Fike. This has been sat in the lower reaches of the charts for over a month but breaks the Top 40 for the first time here. I’d chalk it up to TikTok, as it seems suitable both in terms of length and tone. I could so easily take against this because it’s pure ‘00s landfill indie throwback, but I think this is actually a little corker. He’s cribbing from some of the more interesting acts of the era, i.e. not the ones who sounded like they’re gunning to be on adverts, and he’s got a nice, worn in, croaky voice. It’s so short that it kind of feels unfinished, but it’s also structured neatly, just piling on and piling on layers of trebly guitars and cooing backing vocals. Really nice wistful stuff.  

Stray Kids are the first of two Korean acts to crack the charts, “Chk Chk Boom” landing at (30). I’m not up on my k-pop at all but it’s always interesting to see a scene like this cross cultures. In this scene particularly, you’ve really got to put in the work: some of these bands have like 12 members and you’re expected to learn all their names and pick favourites. I don’t particularly like this; it feels dashed off in the extreme. It thuds along slickly enough but the guns/romance metaphor feels done to death and, to be prurient for a second, a bit unseemly!

It’s been quite fun this week watching a lot of middle aged media types trying to get their heads around and have fun with the concept of a Brat Summer (note for such types: you don’t have to do this), and the quality of Charli XCX’s record is finally having more singles success. The fiendishly catchy “360” is at (18), but “Apple” breaks the Top 40 for the first time at (23). This is one of the slyly personal tracks woven through what appears on the surface to be a purely decadent and hedonistic record. It’s not one I’ve become super familiar with but it’s another cracker. The beat’s simple but relentless, with the keys phasing in and out and a great vocal take. I like her directness with the lyrics on here to; beyond the party songs, on Brat it feels like, when XCX wants to direct something or someone, she does so without obfuscation or an attempt at artiness.

Jade (out of Little Mix) makes her solo debut with “Angel Of My Dreams” at (7). On the radio they kept saying “Jade” and assuming I’d know who they meant. This is a genuinely bizarre song, in a mostly good way. It is simply all over the place. The opening fuses a heavy beat to the kind of retro pop that Djo guy seems to be into. Then it drops into a heavy dance beat with some twisted, distorted vocals and a half-rapped presentation from Jade. It’s got a bit of the Madonna/Gaga to it; it’s remarkably uncompromising pop from an artist who has (deliberately) been out of the spotlight for a little bit. She’s betting on her ability to make a comeback with something substantive rather than something more obviously radio friendly. The lyrics are seriously sharp, too, digging into her relationship with The Biz. You’d imagine she’s got some stories to tell. Reading about her a little, she seems like a really decent sort, and if she keeps releasing stuff like this, she’s going to be an impactful artist. 

Heading back to Korea, Jimin of BTS fame is at (4) with “Who”. Musically I think this is pretty solid stuff. It puts me in mind of mid-period Justin Timberlake, and the scuttling beat is right up my street. There’s plenty of nice modern flourishes and an eastern sounding descending pattern over the chorus, and Jimin’s performance is plenty charismatic. The lyrics, on the other hand, are really awful. It seems he’s singing plaintively to a girl he repeatedly tells us he’s never met, but to whom he wants to give “the world and so much more”. It just makes him sound like a sap! I imagine there’s an effort to keep this guy sanitised to the max given his fanbase; thinking about it I suppose when Jimin asks “who is my heart waiting for?”, the intention is for some of the fans to think “...me?” I find it a bit skin crawling, mind. 

Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” has dropped to the lowly depths of (9), leaving the top spot free to be claimed by… Sabrina Carpenter, with “Please Please Please”. I honestly think she’s going to make it all the way to her album release. Is Sabrina Carpenter Brat? That’s one for the philosophers. 

Pick of the week: Jade - “Angel Of My Dreams”