Chart Review: May 31st 2024

Making sense of a nation’s musical tastes.

There’s next to nowt going on in the charts this week, which means I’m going to be able to spend a lot of time chuntering about The Script, whose “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” is back in the Top 40 (having previously been a chart runner up) at (38). The only knowledge I have of The Script is that the lead singer came across quite badly when he was a judge on The Voice - not Ricky Wilson levels of bad, but he did once sing “I have found what I’m looking for” a la U2 when he signed a contestant to his team, doing that thing where you pretend like you’re just mucking around but really you’re trying your level best to dazzle with your pipes. I know even less about the song, but the impression they gave on the radio was that it has resurfaced due to the frontman, who is a Manchester United fan, changing the “man who” to “[Kobbie] Mainoo” after the teenage midfielder’s FA Cup-sealing goal last Sunday. Which I don’t mind!

Anyway this song is so bizarre. It got me thinking: who was the first band that did this kind of sappy pop-rock? Anything soft but guitar-led sort of wheedles back to Fleetwood Mac, but there’s not even a soupçon of coke-addled shagging to be heard in here. U2, maybe, but they’d never put out a track this uninventive or flat. Even Train have a bit more swing to them, not to mention a sense of humour. The direct lineage might just be The Calling, so The Script really are standing on the shoulders of giants. 

Then you start listening to the song, and the lyrics are simply deranged. The protagonist’s girlfriend has left him, so he decides he’ll go and stand on the street corner where they first met(!) in the hopes she might eventually feel bereft without him and surmise that this would naturally be where she’d find him. And as far as I can tell, this isn’t a metaphor for, like, growing as a person and coming back to where you started or anything like that. In the narrative of the song, this sap is literally standing and waiting and hoping (confusingly in the video he’s wandering up and down a lot).

At one point he sings “People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl / There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world.” Well at least there are no holes in his shoes! At another point he entertains a flight of fancy in which he becomes famous for standing on the street corner and is profiled on the news, suggesting the bloke from The Script hasn’t come into contact with the concept of homelessness. 

And yet for all that, it’s not an absolutely awful song. The verses are dreary as they come but the melody in the chorus is pretty nice. I do understand this kind of gear, I understand who it’s for (people who don’t like music), and this particular song has given me a lot to chuckle about, so fair play, The Script. I’ve also just noticed that the guitarist is playing a Tom DeLongue signature Gibson in the video, which is a bit of a simp move. 

Anyway. Teddy Swims has another tune in the charts off the back of a successful performance at that unspeakable looking Big Weekender festival. “The Door” is at (35). While I’m not really into what Swims gets up to, I’ve developed a lot of good will for him having heard him in an interview, and I think his voice is way beyond the rest of the pop shouters. For some reason, this song is ridiculously drenched in reverb. I’ve had a quick listen to a live version which is far better. In any event it’s not a particularly good song; it’s also the second in as many months that’s just “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley. Good voice, big man, but get some different songwriters. 

At (31) is “Pink Skies” by Zach Bryan. I’ve listened to one of his albums, which I thought was good but far too long for an album with little variety. He’s another country dude, but one with a far more authentic sound and interesting backstory (i.e. instead of being a TV talent show guy or TikToker, he’s a good ole Oklahoma boy who went from the army to country superstardom). I think this is great, he’s got a soft, soulful voice but he’s prioritising lyrics and feel over virtuosity. It’s actually about something, which is a real boomer complaint about modern music but there we are. Bryan seems to have been sounding off on Twitter about the fact this song has been sent to pop radio (in general he seems not to have too much of a filter), but a hit’s a hit. This is lovely. 

The big new track of the week at (3) is Central Cee’s “Band4Band”, featuring Lil Baby. I’m not mad about the concept - rapping about having lots of stuff is about as shallow as it gets, surely - but Cee’s so assured on the mic. I hated that sappy song he did earlier in the year but I vaguely remember him cooking Drake on some feature (little did Aubrey know it was only getting worse from there). He stands behind every bar he says and can deliver if not quotables consistently then certainly some memorable stuff. I’ve no knowledge of Lil Baby; by contrast the American is heavily autotuned and quite mumbly, but he’s not one of the modern guys who barely says a dozen words on a track, so good on him to that end. 

Sabrina Carpenter makes it five on the bounce; I saw a bit of her at the aforementioned awful BBC Radio 1 festival doing some dogshit banter about how Brits only drink tea but my song’s called “Espresso”. That had me rolling my eyes to say the least. The song’s still cool though.

Pick of the week: Zach Bryan - “Pink Skies”