Year Of Metal #078: Ozzy Osbourne - Blizzard Of Ozz
As someone whose musical curiosity was piqued in the early ‘00s, I came to Ozzy Osbourne first as the bungling, ornery patriarch of reality TV smash The Osbournes (a show that hasn’t aged well on account of: that guy really oughtn’t be on telly for our amusement). I latterly discovered Sabbath, first through the inescapable rock radio classics and later by delving into their golden age records. But I never tackled solo Ozzy, the rock fiend at his most decadent and deranged. So I was excited for this 1980 record, his solo debut from the height of his bat biting, ant snorting era. The album’s called Blizzard Of Ozz, for God’s sake - it might as well be called I Love Cocaine.
On actually listening to the thing, yeah… it’s not quite got the edge I was expecting. Opener “I Don’t Know” starts off in fine enough hard rock fashion, with a chugging riff and plenty of snap in the production. Ozzy’s voice is always going to be both a weakness and a strength - the man fundamentally can’t sing, but there’s something so weird and spooky to his tone (even laden with effects as it is here) that makes him an impossibly perfect metal frontman. But then we get to a weird half time section with inspirational lyrics that undercut the idea - as illustrated on the cover - of Osbourne as this wild, demonic antichrist. “It's not how you play the game, it's if you win or lose… / Win or lose, it's up to you,” he caterwauls. Thanks, Coach!
Smash single “Crazy Train” does the same thing. The track starts with Ozzy’s amazing “All aboard!”, creepy bass, and Randy Rhoads cutting an all-time great riff (we’ll touch on him in a minute). But this is quickly chucked aside for the major key, downright perky verses that sound more Quirky Train than Crazy. A great tune, obviously, but you can file this one with Hendrix’s “All Along The Watchtower” in the list of records that peak within the first 15 seconds.
Then you’ve got “Goodbye To Romance”, a Beatles-esque ballad that’s just awful. Ozzy’s sentimental side is often his undoing - exhibit A being that version of “Changes” with daughter Kelly - and there surely can’t be many among his legions of fans who want to hear him croaking away at a downbeat heartbreak mawkathon. When the ‘60s organ comes in at the end, I can hardly believe my ears.
For my money, the real reason to put on Blizzard Of Ozz is for the guitar playing of Randy Rhoads. Few players in metal can have burned as bright as Rhoads, who formed and quit Quiet Riot, cut a pair of albums with Osbourne, then died in a spectacularly stupid and unfortunate plane crash all by the age of 25. When he’s let off the leash here, he’s easily the most exciting thing on the record, a thrilling all-action counterpoint to Osbourne’s medium energy delivery. He plays his solo on “I Don’t Know” like he feared it might be the only one he’d get, so he might as well play every single note on his custom Jackson. “Crazy Train” is more melodically considered but far from demure - the simultaneous tapping and whammy section boggles my brain with its technicality. He even gets 50 seconds to show off his classical chops - it’s not an album that really needs a peaceful breather, but it’s nice to hear him play this kind of stuff.
The back half of the album picks up nicely. “Mr Crowley” is another solid hit, but “Revelation (Mother Earth)” is the stand out for me. It’s closer to the Sabbath style of purely weird, quasi-pagan music, which I think is the best fit for Ozzy’s voice. If this band can’t quite tap into that ominous mood that only Tony Iommi’s gnarled Gibson SG can conjure, it’s a neat effort.
It’s daft to critique an album for what it isn’t, I know, but I did set myself up for something a lot more vicious and hardcore here, Osbourne shedding his hippie-adjacent image and attacking the ‘80s with his heart pumping at a ludicrous pace. He’s certainly doing whatever the fuck he wants on Blizzard, which speaks to a degree of chemically enhanced confidence, and I do think Rhoads’ work alone makes this a must listen for guitarists especially. More than two decades prior to his MTV show, though, I didn’t imagine Ozzy would be quite so cute.
